Gah

I just actually can't be bothered with anything right now. Just when I feel I'm failing French, I get a B in the reading and the speaking coach tells me just how much I've improved. Just when me and Joe haven't argued for ages, his friend winds me up, I get upset and walk away and now he won't reply to texts, calls or emails. Just when I actually have time off work, I get taken to Somerset for a wedding. Gah.
Just when I feel like I actually have money, I check my balance and have £47 to last two weeks and three trips to London, two trips to the Barn, including one tonight (maybe, if Joe's talking to me by then!). I feel like a failure in all aspects.
I'm told daily by a certain someone that they hate me, my clothes and everything about me and they laugh in my face. I'm told it''s a form of bullying.
I know I'll probably be rejected by Select for being too fat. But I'm going to try anyway, why have regrets?
Just want to go find a hole and disappear from the world for a long time.
I want Tanysha to be smiley and happy again.

Right...

so the college makes us do this pointless event at the end of every term, called Individual Learning Plan's. For the ILP's, each student must come in for a ten minute appointment with each tutor for each subject. The appointments last 10 minutes each. Thursday is 1st years, Friday is 2nd years. Seeing as Monsieur Castagnera and Elizabeth did theirs within the lessons whilst the rest of the class did work, that leaves me with seeing just David Brown at 9.35 and Nicky Whillans at 9.45. Yes, a total of 20 minutes spent in college, whereby they will look at my grades, tell me to work more and to begin revision. Pointless. It wastes two whole days of lessons, which so close to exam time seems careless, but the principal insists! So was diligently on the bus at 7.35, as per usual, at college by 8.20, sitting around for an hour and a quarter, going to the stupid ILPs and then work at Matalan at 11. Will probably end up at Costa Staines at some point before, for the daily caffeine fix (the 726% ratio is down to about 100% now, which is a significant improvement!)
The 'rents have gone to a health farm today, Hawcross Hall and left my cousin (and godfather) looking after me and Alex, which consists of picking monkey boy up from nursery, picking me up from work, feeding him, placing him front of the television and bathing him. Also, making sure that I don't 'run amok'. Like I would! Tomorrow, hopefully he shall drop me off at the station in the morning to get the train up to town. He's taken the day off to make sure things run smoothly!
No coffee-republicing tomorrow, I'm sad to say! London should take it out of me!
No 'concrete' plans as yet of the weekend, except work, though I have the feeling I'll end up seeing Matt for a bit, Joe and Cass. I'm also sure Amy and her Matt should fall into the equation somewhere!
Gah, must go get ready for pointless appointment no.1. fun.

Desperate times...

call for desperate actions. So bored that there's 2 posts in one day!
So in le salle de francais. teacher's not here, so we're having a party- just did 'The Macarena' ha!
Oh darn a teacher just walked in and had a stress. Ah well, was fun whilst it lasted!
Becky la jeune brought me in the CD of 'Wicked', seeing as we went to see it 5 weeks ago today! 'and if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free!' tis actually *amazing*.
mmm...french work to do...
but, to finish, a Padmore quote 'my life is cwap!' haha. made me giggle.

au revs...

Gah

Had a bit of a spaz yesterday and two panic attacks. I think I worry myself too much about things that I shouldn't worry about and end up making myself very ill in the process.
So, today, first two periods are being spent on doing english work due in at 1 which I should probablyhave done a long time ago! and then 3rd, I have a half tutor and will probably end up doing more work in the other half of it! I do homework at college and always get asked why I never have any time to eat! It's because if I didn't do work at college, I couldn't go out as much as I do at the weekends!
Gah the bus was strange this morning- no-one was really talking,they all had headphones in and me and rachael were the only one's talking properly. At least Tanysha's back! She was rather ill yesterday but better today. woop!
Turns out Friday was our last Friday of term, seeing as we have this Thursday off ('cept for 20 minutes, then I'm working 11-5) and Friday for the 2nd years ILP's. And next friday is INSET or something like that. Whatever it is, it means we get the day off! And that is the day for MCR- perfect timing! So can get to Wembley early! But still don't have a plan as to how I'm getting home, seeing as the trains are a bit stupid, and I need to be out of the house by 9 at the latest next morning on the way to Somerset. For a wedding. Gonna be so damn grouchy! At least I have the teapot bag for that occasion!
Ooh! Tune! 'It's my life'- Bon Jovi! meh. sitting next to Joe in ze mezzanine and emailing him at the same time, seeing as there is a strict silence policy lol. Things never seem to go right between us right now. We figured it's been a good three weeks since we spent 'quality time' together and it's hit us hard.

Meh.

So, finally...

i get around to sorting my blog out. I'm on myspace alot more, but i thought i would give this a chance again as i used to live by it.
Ah, Thursdays gotta love 'em. start at 11 but *have* to come in for half 8. then finish at three and *have* to wait til 4.20 and don't get home until half 5. and it's exactly the same on Friday's.
And people wonder why i run on caffeine.
Friday I'm not sure if I'm coffee-republic-ing. Have a feeling there's something going on in the form of the family, but not quite sure. Really wanna go see everyone- I hardly see Becki, Jade, Graeme and Cass anymore and it's been about a month since I saw Kelsea properly. (this morning driving past on the bus doesn't count).
Saturday, work 'til 2 then Matthew is collecting me and we are heading Kingston-way! I haven't been there for so long, it'll be fab! and also we always mean to go out together and never end up doing so, so it'll be good! might go a-bowling or something...hmmmm.
Sunday, work 'til 4 then going to meet Joe's Dad and that side of his family properly. should be fun. Can't be as disasterous as when he met my Mum. Grr I'm still upset about taht. text from her yesterday- 'hi hope your ok x'. she couldn't be asked to spell 'you're' correctly.Meh. sure i've made some typos that i can't be bothered to change, but I hate it when grammar is not obeyed. It's not like she was busy or anything, anyway, *rant*.
Today I'm in black shoes, purple footless tights, multicoloured skirt with netting, black top, purple beads, cat earrings, yellow mac and...Matt's red sunglasses which i stole getting off the bus. Then ran away after Tom.
Gah, I'm hungry. will leave the mezzanine to people who will actually work, in search of food. Woop.

Adios.